The only way I find out what people value most about me is by having to sell something. Otherwise I’m just guessing. And I pretty much always guess wrong. Like I thought I was so great at writing about sex, but I only made money writing about careers. Now I understand why careers was more valuable: it’s easier for people to talk about their sex life than their finances, and careers are about money.
It took a while for me to face that I wasn’t one of the best entrepreneurs, but I was one of the best coaches. I could tell because even though I wouldn’t say publicly that I coach people, people kept contacting me to coach them.
Now, I see this happening with parenting.
I never wanted to be known for parenting. I needed to keep supporting my kids financially, and topics in business were way more lucrative than parenting. This was clear when I got fired from my favorite career columnist gig because I wrote too much about being pregnant. Also, I was basically a single parent, and I felt that being a single parent was like having a disease that all the married parents stayed away from.
Now that my kids are in college, I thought I’d be so excited to go back to an adults-only world. But often when I see something new I think: this would be so fun with kids. I have a hunch my orientation has always been kids, which surprises me. But most of the money I’ve earned as an empty nester is from helping families identify hurdles and goals, and setting up systems to get kids what they need.
It’s ironic because I just spent 20 years struggling as a parent. And the whole time I wanted to talk with someone who had lined up services and had a plan — for ADHD, dyslexia, OCD, picky eating, unschooling. I wanted to talk with someone who had taken their kids out of school without having a plan. I wanted a mentor who got their kids from homeschool to college. It was hard to find help for that stuff. So I did tons of things wrong.
I think we are most valuable to people in the areas where we’ve taken the most risks. Because everyone wants help when things feel shaky, and in that moment, someone who has been shaky before seems like they would have great advice.
